Martini Time

by Bradley Tight

Credit: NASA, ESA, and The Hubble Heritage Team (STScI/AURA)
Acknowledgment: P. Knezek (WIYN)

The NGC 1300 Spiral Galaxy, also named the Martini Galaxy, has recently being photographed by the Hubble space telescope. Dieter Ratzarse of the Krakow New Observatory Bureau (KNOB), says he foresaw this galaxy in 1954. I was having a coffee and stirring in the milk when the vision came to me, I told my psychotherapist at the time but he just strapped me down and put a thousand volts through me genitals. I spent the next 3 years being totally obsessed with the image in my brain, unfortunately I was cack-handed and couldn't draw to save my life.

In 1974 I took up with a Police sketch artist and described what I was seeing, alas he added thick-rimmed glasses and a moustache so the opportunity was lost. Now in 2005 I have seen the picture for real. I contacted NASA to explain what I had been through the last 51 years, they sent around a doctor who strapped me down and sent a thousand volts through my genitals. By way of compensation, following my complaint, they offered to call a star after me. Today I received my certificate, I am the proud owner of star NGC 1300.a.2322.c - WaddaColossalShitForBrains.

My question is, should I accept this or form my own militia and march on capital hill? As a responsible journalist I contacted a medical friend on behalf of Dieter, he promptly came round and put a thousand volts through his genitals.